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'Luxembourg' by The Bluetones
Imagine this highly improbable scenario. Your mother has directed you to invite the lead-singer from a (relatively) popular Brit-Pop band that was burning up the charts in 1996. Liam's out obviously because the threat of violence would be too great. You can't ask Damon because you might not have enough chairs in the kitchen if he decides to bring the native tribe from New Guinea that he has decided to collaborate with this week. Jarvis is likely to perv on your mother when she's bending over to get the biscuits from the bottom drawer.
So, who's left? There can only be one choice: the anorak-wearing, jingly-jangly music playing and all-round nice guy Mark Morriss from The Bluetones.
 Of all the bands that were strutting their stuff in those halcyon days, The Bluetones were the most innocuous. While everyone was arguing about whether Blur or Oasis were better, The Bluetones were surreptitiously selling a lot of records. 'Slight Return' (by far their best known tune) crashed in at number 2 in the singles chart with the album 'Expecting to Fly' stealing the top spot. Heady days indeed but, given that Northern Uproar charted at that time too, it is perhaps not the greatest of achievements. Three albums later (including a greatest hits package - usually a death-knell for a band) and you're left wondering is there any point in The Bluetones existing anymore. The great bands of the era have changed completely and abandoned the Brit-Pop ideal (Blur), lost the plot a bit (Pulp) or just run out of ideas (Oasis). However, The 'Tones still hang in there, releasing albums that only their hardcore fans would listen to, while the rest of the world shrugs with indifference.
 The new album is called 'Luxembourg'. It sounds exactly like you'd expect a Bluetones album to sound. In fairness, they've tried to update their sound by sticking in a few keyboards here and there, turned up the guitars a bit and have even attempted to appeal to the cool kids by writing a song ('Liquid Lips') that sounds exactly like BRMC's 'Whatever Happened to My Rock 'N Roll'. They even get a little political in 'Code Blue' where the lyrics are certainly poignant in the wake of the Iraq war: "I wanna be the President / I wanna be the bringer of war / if my finger was on the button then I'd settle some scores". Is it any good? It's derivative, it's pointless and it's completely out of sync with the current music scene. It's also brilliant. 'Never Going Nowhere' is old-school 'Tones with its bittersweet lyrics and the traditional guitar jangle. If 'Fast Boy' had been released in 1996, it would have swept up the charts. 'Luxembourg' is charming and reflective, bitter and undemanding. The music cognoscenti will tell you that it's not cool and pointless. They're right, of course, but for anyone who indulges in nostalgia for the Brit-Pop years to the point where they're convinced that Menswear could have been huge, it's essential. So, kids, the only question is: Are you Blue or are you Blind?
About the Author
J Walk Boom is a Freakscene DJ and member of the band Decoy X.
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