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Eminem (Punchestown) - 26/06/03
Driving rain, the constant smell of puke, the thirteen hour bus journey, four Celtic jerseys to every Eminem t-shirt and scuffles all over the place: ah, it was great to go to another outdoor gig. Only it wasn't. I've been to a few concerts in my time and this, by a long country mile, was the most badly organised event I've ever had the misfortune to attend. Is it unreasonable to expect a gig that was advertised to start at 4 might actually begin at this time? Was I alone in thinking that there might be some official explanation as to the whereabouts of 50 Cent? Why was the gig held in a venue that clearly could not cope with the amount of traffic heading its way?
It had all started off so promisingly too. XZIBIT (quite possibly the ugliest man in rap right now) braved the rain, waved the tricolour and claimed that he could drink more than any Irishman in the venue. However, given that the majority of the crowd consisted of 15 year olds who had spent a large chunk of the afternoon puking after one too many cans of cheap cider, it wasn't too outlandish a claim. He brought energy, humour and a seemingly genuine desire to entertain the crowd to the proceedings (which was conspicuous by its absence with Em and his buddies). Snippets of 'What's the Difference?' and 'The Next Episode' before a final riotous 'X' promised an evening of great entertainment. How wrong we were.
After another long wait, we were finally presented with the dubious pleasure of watching CYPRESS HILL for 45 minutes. I've never quite grasped why this band are so popular and, after witnessing the rapturous applause afforded to them after a very mediocre set, I suspect that I will never understand. It was like a scene from Groundhog Day with every song they wheeled out sounding exactly like the previous number and by the end of it, I was ready to end it all by actually eating one of the hot dogs they sell at these events. The fervour with which 'Insane in the Brane' was greeted was actually embarrassing and the less said about the 5-minute drum solo, the better. The inanity mercifully came to an end with 'Rap Superstar' just as the heavens opened again. It was a fitting end to an hour of my life that I can never get back.
 Thank God for Marshall Mathers then. Or not, as it turned out. I must admit that I've always been a fan of young Em but sometimes it's hard to love him. Some of the funniest lyrics ever written are juxtaposed with lyrical forays into misogyny. Heartfelt sentiments expressed in songs like 'Rock Bottom' and 'Stan' are placed next to highly offensive homophobic rants. However, he surely has more pressing problems: how to get rid of D12 and OBIE TRICE without anyone noticing. It's all very noble to be breaking new talent and to give your old buddies a helping hand when you make it big yourself but one has to know when to let go. After a hellish day in which most of the punters here had suffered from traffic problems, awful weather and nearly an hour of Cypress Hill, it was only fair to expect that a 90-minute set from Slim Shady might be a mixture of high entertainment and great songs. Alas, in keeping with the day, we were let down as the stooges were wheeled out again and again.
There is a reason that Curtis Hanson didn't base a film around the antics of D12 (Marshall is witty where they are crude). Somewhere in between the muck thrown out by the hangers-on, Eminem played all the hits with an enthusiasm that bordered on the comatose and the whole event came to a yawnsome climax with some D12 song that no-one seemed to know. It seemed like the perfect ending - both Marshall and I didn't want to be there - but the crucial difference being that one of us went home in his private jet while the other spent THREE hours trying to get out of the car park. Although he was cast as the villain of the piece, 50 Cent had the right idea. I wish I had stayed at home too.
About the Author
J Walk Boom is a Freakscene DJ and member of the band Decoy X.
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